Somebody loves me.
I know. I know it because I am told so, and because I am told so through gestures. A loving nose lick from a dog. A healing hug. Text messages. A hot cup of coffee, even though I didn’t ask for it. I know.
Still, I have days with a knot in my stomach. A plethora of diseases makes me self declared second hand, the kind that sometimes has to be repaired. My body doesn’t work properly. CFS, Fibromyalgia, Migraine, Endometriosis, Eating disorders, IBS and several allergies… The list is exhausting. But it is not that what I want to talk about. It’s the “the knot”-feeling.
My energy level is reduced about 80%. The remaining 20% have to be used carefully. The couch is my best buddy and my worst enemy. I’m spending most of my time there. Most of my day I charge up energy; either I’m charging up for events to come or I recharge after events. Make some coffee, do the laundry, go grocery shopping, meet up with friends, visit my family. I schedule events, and rest to be prepared.
At times, when I have to recover; sometimes for a long period of time, I get bitten by the Couch Potato Blues. During these periods of restitution, I ask what if… What if they exclude me because I probably won’t be able to make it anyway? What if they think I just don’t bother? What if I one day have refused so many offers that they’ll stop contacting me? What if they bit by bit starts to forget me? What if…
I pay attention to my surroundings. Read or listen to the news. Log on to Facebook. I doesn’t always have the energy to answer when the phone calls, or when people text me. But I notice when you do. I haven’t forgotten about you. Don’t you forget about me.